• Anna McLean

Is SLHS Teacher David Theune an Illegal Dutch Immigrant?

Mr. David Theune is an acclaimed member of the Spring Lake High School community, as well as the town as a whole. Recently, I had a discussion with him about his “trip” to the Netherlands. While it may sound like a fun, lighthearted trip, I believe that Mr. Theune may be an illegal Dutch citizen! Theune commented saying that he spent “Roughly six months from December 28, 2018 - July 5, 2019,” and that he was “located” in Utrecht. In his “time spent traveling” he won the National Pickleball Championship in 2019, making him the National Dutch Pickleball Champion. This raises the question, how could the Netherlands’ own citizens let a so-called “American” beat them at their own game? The answer is, they wouldn’t. The only logical explanation is that Theune is actually Dutch! I asked him to tell me a little bit about his childhood, to see if there were any correlations with Dutch customs and heritage. To this he said, “As a 1-year-old baby, my family moved to Northwest Iowa where I fell in love with cornfields. In the fall, my friend and I would play in recently plowed corn fields: we’d play football and sometimes just look at clouds.” I did some digging, and sure enough, the Netherlands export nearly 8.2 trillion tons of crop. Corn being one of them. Also, there is a small city in the country named “Ittervoort.” The Dutch sometimes pronounce their V’s like W’s. Sounds a bit like Iowa, doesn’t it? Everything makes sense. Why else would Mr. Theune be so passionate about teaching English if not to distract from his ever-growing learning of it, as it would be his second language! However, as I was interviewing him, I looked at my phone, and realized what day it was. April 1st. Of course! April Fools Day! Mr. Theune was born and raised in America, and has full nationality and citizenship. But, it still is a little fishy that an American won a National Tournament in the Netherlands...

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