• Evien Berry

Tacky Christmas Decorations

I know I should like the houses with candles in every window, simple white lights, and tasteful wreaths, but I can’t help but admire the 8-foot inflatable Santa mooning passing cars with “Happy Holidays” printed across the left butt cheek. Tastefully-decorated Christmas houses look lovely, but they are just no fun. I like the houses with blinking rainbow lights draped over the bushes and trees, mismatched yard ornaments sprawled across the lawn in no particular pattern, random minions thrown in that have nothing to do with Christmas except for the fact that they’re wearing a scarf, the houses that glow and blink in the distance as you approach them, captivating the imaginations of kids and parents alike. It may not look pretty, but I’ll be darned if I don’t feel giddy at the sight of unsightly houses in the month of December. If you pass a nice house with holly and white lights and a big tree glowing in the window, you might acknowledge it, say, “Hey that’s a nice house”, then forget about it the second you turn the corner. It’s the crazy houses, the ones with huge inflatables and Santa with his pants down, that people talk about. That’s where my predicament lies. When I grow up, and I have my own house and yard to decorate for Christmas, what decorations do I choose? Do I throw in the towel and hammer up a couple wreaths and call it good? Or do I spend hundreds of dollars on nutcrackers of various sizes, waving snowmen, hundreds of strings of rainbow lights, plastic reindeer, glowing animals in scarves, seven different nativities, a tiny train to weave around the lawn, and whatever else I can possibly find to add to the wonderful chaos?

Right now, since I’m a broke high school student who lives with my parents, I’m subtly leading my mom down the path of tacky. Last Christmas, I got her a light up Corgi lawn ornament wearing a scarf. I had to beg her to display it outside the front door, but it’s there now, lighting up the night with a subtle orange glow counteracting the holly wrapped around the door frame and the candles in the windows. It’s not much, but you have to start somewhere. Pretty soon we’ll be the blindingly bright house that people can’t help but slow down when they drive past, mouths agape at the spectacle before them. We’ll be the house that all the neighbors hate, the tacky one with music always playing from some far off place, an inflatable Santa waving from the roof, and a cluster of Christmas yard ornaments placed carelessly around the front lawn.

No matter how you chose to decorate for Christmas this year, whether it looks like a regurgitation of the clearance holiday decorations aisle of the department store or a spectacle that has mastered the balance between subtlety and Christmas spirit, I think we can all come together against one common enemy: the people who leave their Christmas lights up year-round.

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